Horoscopes
Aries 21st March - 19th April
A friend in need is a friend indeed. Especially when he needs money. Try having lobster thermidor for supper.
Lucky Note: Quaver
Taurus 20th April - 21st May
An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Or, to put it another way, fair exchange is no robbery in the world of organ donation. Try having cornflakes for elevenses.
Lucky Note: Semibreve
Gemini 22nd May - 21st June
Better to be alone than in bad company. That's why Paul Rodgers went solo. Try having pork chops for elevenses.
Lucky Empire: Sunderland
Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, especially one with extremenly bad breath Try having pork pies for a snack between meals.
Lucky Mollusc: Whelk
Leo 24th July - 23rd August
Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ. Either way you'll be accused of plagiarism Try having beans on toast for lunch.
Lucky Empire: Aztec
Virgo 24th August - 23rd September
It's an ill wind that blows no good. Especially after eating beans. Try having a Cornish pasty for breakfast.
Lucky Bird: Bushtit
Libra 24th September - 23rd October
Recall that a fool and his money are soon parted. Send your donations to me. Try having stew and dumplings for a light snack.
Lucky Philosopher: Confucius
Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November
Too many cooks spoil the broth. Try using about one and a half. Try having a bacon sandwich for a late evening snack.
Lucky Cake: Dundee
Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December
You will be encumbered by a cumbersome cucumber. Try having stew and dumplings for dinner.
Lucky Architecture: Gothic
Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January
You will drink a cup of tea or coffee today. Or maybe a glass of water. Try having lobster thermidor for a light snack.
Lucky Cheese: Jarlsberg
Aquarius 21st January - 19th February
Your bad breath will cause the extinction of a rare species of woodlouse. Try having cornflakes for lunch.
Lucky Bone: Malleus
Pisces 20th February - 20th March
A long lost tribe will be discovered in the Amazon who have been worshipping you as a god for several generations. Try having pork chops for tea.
Lucky Fish: Orange Roughy