Aries 21st March - 19th April
You will wake up to find that you have metamorphosed into a giant cockroach. Try having Lancashire hotpot for dinner.
Lucky Author: Kipling
Taurus 20th April - 21st May
A friend in need is a friend indeed. Especially when he needs money. Try having egg and chips for a snack between meals.
Lucky Dog: Miniature Schnauzer
Gemini 22nd May - 21st June
An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Or, to put it another way, fair exchange is no robbery in the world of organ donation. Try having lobster thermidor for elevenses.
Lucky Moustache: Pencil
Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July
Better to be alone than in bad company. That's why Paul Rodgers went solo. Try having stew and dumplings for tea.
Lucky Artist: Renoir
Leo 24th July - 23rd August
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, especially one with extremenly bad breath Try having prawn curry for a snack between meals.
Lucky Composer: Sibelius
Virgo 24th August - 23rd September
Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ. Either way you'll be accused of plagiarism Try having egg and chips for tea.
Lucky Bone: Tibia
Libra 24th September - 23rd October
It's an ill wind that blows no good. Especially after eating beans. Try having pasta bake for a mid-afternoon snack.
Lucky Bird: Zitting Cisticola
Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November
Recall that a fool and his money are soon parted. Send your donations to me. Try having a doner kebab for a mid-afternoon snack.
Lucky Facial Hair: Beard
Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December
Too many cooks spoil the broth. Try using about one and a half. Try having suckling pig for lunch.
Lucky Author: Cervantes
Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January
You will be encumbered by a cumbersome cucumber. Try having egg and chips for dinner.
Lucky Author: Crichton
Aquarius 21st January - 19th February
You will drink a cup of tea or coffee today. Or maybe a glass of water. Try having roast beef and Yorkshire puddings for dinner.
Lucky Philosopher: Epicurus
Pisces 20th February - 20th March
Your bad breath will cause the extinction of a rare species of woodlouse. Try having cheese on toast for a mid-afternoon snack.
Lucky Philosopher: Hegel