Horoscopes

Aries 21st March - 19th April

A friend in need is a friend indeed. Especially when he needs money.  Try having lobster thermidor for supper.

Lucky Note: Quaver

Taurus 20th April - 21st May

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Or, to put it another way, fair exchange is no robbery in the world of organ donation.  Try having cornflakes for elevenses.

Lucky Note: Semibreve

Gemini 22nd May - 21st June

Better to be alone than in bad company. That's why Paul Rodgers went solo.  Try having pork chops for elevenses.

Lucky Empire: Sunderland

Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, especially one with extremenly bad breath  Try having pork pies for a snack between meals.

Lucky Mollusc: Whelk

Leo 24th July - 23rd August

Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ. Either way you'll be accused of plagiarism  Try having beans on toast for lunch.

Lucky Empire: Aztec

Virgo 24th August - 23rd September

It's an ill wind that blows no good. Especially after eating beans.  Try having a Cornish pasty for breakfast.

Lucky Bird: Bushtit

Libra 24th September - 23rd October

Recall that a fool and his money are soon parted. Send your donations to me.  Try having stew and dumplings for a light snack.

Lucky Philosopher: Confucius

Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November

Too many cooks spoil the broth. Try using about one and a half.  Try having a bacon sandwich for a late evening snack.

Lucky Cake: Dundee

Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December

You will be encumbered by a cumbersome cucumber.  Try having stew and dumplings for dinner.

Lucky Architecture: Gothic

Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January

You will drink a cup of tea or coffee today. Or maybe a glass of water.  Try having lobster thermidor for a light snack.

Lucky Cheese: Jarlsberg

Aquarius 21st January - 19th February

Your bad breath will cause the extinction of a rare species of woodlouse.  Try having cornflakes for lunch.

Lucky Bone: Malleus

Pisces 20th February - 20th March

A long lost tribe will be discovered in the Amazon who have been worshipping you as a god for several generations.  Try having pork chops for tea.

Lucky Fish: Orange Roughy