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Horoscopes

Aries 21st March - 19th April

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, especially one with extremenly bad breath  Try having cornflakes for dinner.

Lucky Architecture: Rococo

Taurus 20th April - 21st May

Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ. Either way you'll be accused of plagiarism  Try having gammon and pineapple for elevenses.

Lucky Philosopher: Socrates

Gemini 22nd May - 21st June

It's an ill wind that blows no good. Especially after eating beans.  Try having suckling pig for brunch.

Lucky Author: Tolstoy

Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July

Recall that a fool and his money are soon parted. Send your donations to me.  Try having spam for a mid-afternoon snack.

Lucky Artist: van Dyck

Leo 24th July - 23rd August

Too many cooks spoil the broth. Try using about one and a half.  Try having prawn curry for dinner.

Lucky Composer: Berlioz

Virgo 24th August - 23rd September

You will be encumbered by a cumbersome cucumber.  Try having a bacon sandwich for brunch.

Lucky Composer: Chopin

Libra 24th September - 23rd October

You will drink a cup of tea or coffee today. Or maybe a glass of water.  Try having lasagne for afternoon tea.

Lucky Artist: CÚzanne

Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November

Your bad breath will cause the extinction of a rare species of woodlouse.  Try having sausage, egg and chips for afternoon tea.

Lucky Author: F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December

A long lost tribe will be discovered in the Amazon who have been worshipping you as a god for several generations.  Try having tomato soup for a snack between meals.

Lucky Author: Hemingway

Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January

Apparently his bark is worse than his bite.  Try having beans on toast for dinner.

Lucky Artist: Klimt

Aquarius 21st January - 19th February

Birds of a feather flock together. They also fart together, but that seldom makes the news.  Try having steak and kidney pudding for a mid-morning snack.

Lucky Epoch: Miocene

Pisces 20th February - 20th March

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. However, you will miss out on a lot of fun.  Try having bacon and eggs for a late evening snack.

Lucky Bones: Phalanges