Aries 21st March - 19th April
Don't count your chickens before they're hatched. They might be baby crocodiles. Try having shepherd's pie for a mid-morning snack.
Lucky Tower: Eiffel
Taurus 20th April - 21st May
Every hair on your body will fall out. However, you will be offered the lead role in 'Kojak - The Musical'. Try having chicken tikka masala for afternoon tea.
Lucky Cheese: Gruyère
Gemini 22nd May - 21st June
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. Try having peanut buttter and jelly sandwiches for elevenses.
Lucky Philosopher: Jung
Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July
It's the early bird that gets the worm. The dead bird just gets worms. Try having toast for supper.
Lucky Bird: Masked Booby
Leo 24th July - 23rd August
That person you fancy at work is actually a cannibal. Cancel the dinner date. Try having stew and dumplings for a light snack.
Lucky Organ: Ovaries
Virgo 24th August - 23rd September
You and your hordes of mounted archers will sweep across most of Asia and Eastern Europe by lunchtime. Try having Lancashire hotpot for tea.
Lucky Note: Quaver
Libra 24th September - 23rd October
You will catch temporary dyslexia and fidn ti rdah ot edra het sret fo shti ensetecn. Try having toast for a late evening snack.
Lucky Note: Semibreve
Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November
You will suffer a blow to the head and awake to find yourself somewhere over the rainbow. Try having peanut buttter and jelly sandwiches for dinner.
Lucky Empire: Sunderland
Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Unfortunately the birds in your bush are thrush. Natural live yoghurt is called for. Try having lobster thermidor for a late evening snack.
Lucky Mollusc: Whelk
Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January
According to the adage, a rolling stone gathers no moss. That's why Bill Wyman never dated Kate. Try having cheese on toast for dinner.
Lucky Empire: Aztec
Aquarius 21st January - 19th February
Beggars can't be choosers. But they can be annoying. Try having toad-in-the-hole for elevenses.
Lucky Bird: Bushtit
Pisces 20th February - 20th March
Don't do that, you'll go blind. Try having bacon and eggs for dinner.
Lucky Philosopher: Confucius