Horoscopes

Aries 21st March - 19th April

You will be abducted by aliens who will offer you tea and biscuits in exchange for your spleen.  Try having sausage and chips for a snack between meals.

Lucky Day: Doris

Taurus 20th April - 21st May

You will discover the meaning of life, but lose the napkin on which you wrote it down.  Try having toast for a mid-morning snack.

Lucky Poet: Ginsberg

Gemini 22nd May - 21st June

You will wake up to find that you have metamorphosed into a giant cockroach.  Try having vegetable soup for a late evening snack.

Lucky Author: J. D. Salinger

Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July

A friend in need is a friend indeed. Especially when he needs money.  Try having toad-in-the-hole for supper.

Lucky Philosopher: Machiavelli

Leo 24th July - 23rd August

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Or, to put it another way, fair exchange is no robbery in the world of organ donation.  Try having spaghetti bolognaise for afternoon tea.

Lucky Architecture: Norman

Virgo 24th August - 23rd September

Better to be alone than in bad company. That's why Paul Rodgers went solo.  Try having pork chops for tea.

Lucky Composer: Prokofiev

Libra 24th September - 23rd October

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, especially one with extremenly bad breath  Try having vegetable soup for a late evening snack.

Lucky Philosopher: Sartre

Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November

Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ. Either way you'll be accused of plagiarism  Try having Lancashire hotpot for a light snack.

Lucky Cheese: Stinking Bishop

Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December

It's an ill wind that blows no good. Especially after eating beans.  Try having egg and chips for dinner.

Lucky Composer: Vivaldi

Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January

Recall that a fool and his money are soon parted. Send your donations to me.  Try having an ice-cream for a late evening snack.

Lucky Philosopher: Aristotle

Aquarius 21st January - 19th February

Too many cooks spoil the broth. Try using about one and a half.  Try having tuna mayonnaise for a light snack.

Lucky Note: Breve

Pisces 20th February - 20th March

You will be encumbered by a cumbersome cucumber.  Try having stew and dumplings for lunch.

Lucky Poet: Cocteau