Horoscopes

Aries 21st March - 19th April

Better to be alone than in bad company. That's why Paul Rodgers went solo.  Try having oxtail soup for supper.

Lucky Poet: Keats

Taurus 20th April - 21st May

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, especially one with extremenly bad breath  Try having cottage pie for lunch.

Lucky Author: Melville

Gemini 22nd May - 21st June

Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ. Either way you'll be accused of plagiarism  Try having peanut buttter and jelly sandwiches for a snack between meals.

Lucky Period: Paleogene

Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July

It's an ill wind that blows no good. Especially after eating beans.  Try having cornflakes for a late evening snack.

Lucky Bone: Radius

Leo 24th July - 23rd August

Recall that a fool and his money are soon parted. Send your donations to me.  Try having suckling pig for a light snack.

Lucky Artist: Seurat

Virgo 24th August - 23rd September

Too many cooks spoil the broth. Try using about one and a half.  Try having spam for a snack between meals.

Lucky Organ: Testicles

Libra 24th September - 23rd October

You will be encumbered by a cumbersome cucumber.  Try having oxtail soup for a late evening snack.

Lucky Philosopher: Wittgenstein

Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November

You will drink a cup of tea or coffee today. Or maybe a glass of water.  Try having prawn curry for dinner.

Lucky Author: Balzac

Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December

Your bad breath will cause the extinction of a rare species of woodlouse.  Try having cottage pie for breakfast.

Lucky Period: Cambrian

Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January

A long lost tribe will be discovered in the Amazon who have been worshipping you as a god for several generations.  Try having spaghetti bolognaise for elevenses.

Lucky Philosopher: Copernicus

Aquarius 21st January - 19th February

Apparently his bark is worse than his bite.  Try having a bacon sandwich for breakfast.

Lucky Artist: El Greco

Pisces 20th February - 20th March

Birds of a feather flock together. They also fart together, but that seldom makes the news.  Try having pizza for dinner.

Lucky Author: H. G. Wells