Horoscopes

Aries 21st March - 19th April

Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ. Either way you'll be accused of plagiarism  Try having ten pints of lager for supper.

Lucky Composer: Vivaldi

Taurus 20th April - 21st May

It's an ill wind that blows no good. Especially after eating beans.  Try having hotdogs for tea.

Lucky Philosopher: Aristotle

Gemini 22nd May - 21st June

Recall that a fool and his money are soon parted. Send your donations to me.  Try having sausage and chips for lunch.

Lucky Note: Breve

Cancer 22nd June - 23rd July

Too many cooks spoil the broth. Try using about one and a half.  Try having lasagne for elevenses.

Lucky Poet: Cocteau

Leo 24th July - 23rd August

You will be encumbered by a cumbersome cucumber.  Try having tripe and onions for a mid-afternoon snack.

Lucky Bird: Dodo

Virgo 24th August - 23rd September

You will drink a cup of tea or coffee today. Or maybe a glass of water.  Try having cheese on toast for breakfast.

Lucky Architecture: Georgian

Libra 24th September - 23rd October

Your bad breath will cause the extinction of a rare species of woodlouse.  Try having pasta bake for a light snack.

Lucky Organ: Intestines

Scorpio 24th October - 22nd November

A long lost tribe will be discovered in the Amazon who have been worshipping you as a god for several generations.  Try having truffles for a mid-afternoon snack.

Lucky Organ: Lungs

Sagittarius 23rd November - 21st December

Apparently his bark is worse than his bite.  Try having lasagne for elevenses.

Lucky Period: Neogene

Capricorn 22nd December - 20th January

Birds of a feather flock together. They also fart together, but that seldom makes the news.  Try having lobster thermidor for a late evening snack.

Lucky Fish: Pollock

Aquarius 21st January - 19th February

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. However, you will miss out on a lot of fun.  Try having steak tartare for afternoon tea.

Lucky Bird: Ruddy Duck

Pisces 20th February - 20th March

He who laughs last has the last laugh.  Try having spam for a mid-morning snack.

Lucky Bone: Sternum